when all your friends start talking about something you know nothing about
I'm Alana and I'm 19 years old. Currently, I live in NY and attend Lehigh University.
If you get an ask from me, it'll be from the main blog wearebornthisway. But... awksauce, I don't use that account anymore. Sorry for any confusion!
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Raggedy man. Goodnight.
Things I will not judge you for:
Things I will judge you for:
•Not signalling while driving
•How you treat wait staff
•Which way you think the toilet roll goes
My year, 2013, in a bulleted list.
- Party at Spencer’s! I made out with Danielle. We got extremely shitfaced and I think I gave Spencer a blowjob? Steven Katz threw up in Spencer’s bed. HA.
- I came back for sorority rush. HELLO PI BETA PHI.
- Pledging: I’ve been everywhere, dancing, and M&Ms. The M&Ms was the first time I’ve ever cried in front of a group of girls and they cared for me. They cared for me and held me as I wept about my eating disorder and how it has run my life.
- Urinetown started.
- I got extremely drunk one night and refused to eat. I was hysterically crying about being fat and I hadn’t eaten that day. Jackie, my roommate, REFUSED to let me into the room because she was with her boyfriend. I get it. I’m not angry anymore. But I could’ve been cited.
- I start talking to Lorentz. He becomes an important person to be as I help him out with getting over Casey.
- I’m struggling in math and chem. I’m constantly going to tutors. I drop out of chem.
- I feel fat.
- I get the most amazing big sister in the world. Sammy Wiesen, I love you more than anything. You are my best friend and I’m so thankful to have you in my life.
- Lorentz and I start hooking up at the last cast party. I start to like him a lot.
- Things find a median for a while. I help out with the one-act plays, I start to really like Lorentz even more and we hang out every weekend.
- I find out Tori is hooking up with Rob and sleeping with him behind my back. I’m not angry…. I can’t be. He’s allowed to do what he wants. I just hoped she would care more about our friendship. To this day, we are not close because of this. To stupidly get revenge, I made out with Rob at a party I know she’d be at. I regret this. She was angry but forgave me.
- I starve for 7 days.
- FINALS WOOHOO.
- I say goodbye to Lorentz for the summer. I never wanted to leave his arms that morning.
- I cried saying goodbye to Julia Feindt. This girl is so beautiful.
- The summer starts. I become determined to eat well and get fit. I was done being sick.
- I join a gym.
- I fall IN LOVE with Zumba Fitness, thanks to my instructor Izzy Hache Rose. She was perfect and lovely.
- I ignore Lorentz. I didn’t have time for this.
- I get better into shape. I join a different gym.
- CAMP. YAY. I won Ramagames GENERAL(hollah award) and I got the same campers as last year. My co’s were much better this year and I really liked them.
- I become a certified Zumba Instructor.
- I start teaching a few songs at the JCC. Thank you, Theresa and Chaya, for letting me get my start.
- I have lost 10lbs, healthy. My eating disorder has vanished. For now. I have a good lifestyle.
- I return to Lehigh.
- I live in Pi Phi with Sammy, who is having issues with her ex boyfriend Ben. She still wants him but he doesn’t…
- I stop biting my nails.
- Lorentz is up my butt, trying to reconnect. I ignore him.
- My grandpa is sick.
- I audition for Medea and almost got the role. I got in the chorus, but I can understand.
- Lorentz becomes an asshole.
- Papa passed away. Papa, you’re a beautiful angel now. I will look over daddy for you. I miss you endlessly and I love you so much. I think about you all the time and I wish you were still with me.
- Greg, my director, becomes key in helping me get over the loss. He was a bright light for me. He’s a beautiful, pure-hearted person who I am convinced is my soulmate. I think I will always like him more than I should.
- I AM TEACHING ZUMBA AND THEY LOVE ME.
- I start talking to Curtis, who was a cute kid who came up to Pi Phi. We have sex on his kitchen counter. Curtis became obsessive quickly and that was a no go.
- MEDEAAAA. hello darius and becca. Becca Fryer, you are my favorite freshman.
- I broke down on stage missing my grandpa, because I channeled the wrong memory too strongly. Greg helps me with this.
- Lorentz and I give things another go. We got to Avenue Q with M&C and Dorney. I feel nothing.
- I start talking to Mike and Alex simultaneously. Alex, as a friend who was in the show The Pillowman and as a fellow classmate. Mike, more as a fuck buddy.
- I end things with Lorentz. I am so, so sorry. I can’t help you anymore. I wish I could but I can’t.
- My japanese teacher has cancer.
- Alex and I become best friends. We start to like each other. Mike uses me. I ditch him after my formal for Alex.
- Alex and I, after a week of hooking up, become exclusive. He is amazing. We watch breaking bad together and do homework together. I am completely at ease with him. Our first night together was November 16th, the night of the first pillowman cast party.
- School gets harder.
- I try to get Sammy and Lauren in shape. Sammy quits.
- Thanksgiving is weird with my Nanny there with no Papa. I know his death still hurts my dad.
- My classes are ending with finals in Dramatic action, Japanese, Cogs, Intro to Theatre, and CSE.
- I’m physically fit, but I start giving leaway to my healthy lifestyle to enjoy things.
- I auditioned and got into Greg’s show, Something From Nothing.
- Alex and I are going to see the Glass Menagerie together on the 30th, and then spend new years together. We are not dating, still.
Overall, this year has been filled with boy drama. How stupid it all looks now! Lorentz, Curtis, Mike, Alex…. So dumb. I let this stuff take over a lot of my life. Alex, right now, is important to me and I think we are going to be in a relationship quite soon. I really do care for him and like him very much… which is saying a lot of me.
My disorder isn’t as bad anymore. I think about it sometimes, but it’s never really scaring me out of food anymore. I’m in the best mental state I’ve been in for the last 3 years.
I appreciate my dad more than anything. School is so hard to pay for. He is so miserable because of my mother. I love him endlessly and all he does to make sure I get to go back to school for another semester. He is so stressed with paying for 3 colleges as well as dealing with his father’s death. I love him so much.
My goals for this year are simple. I want to get on the deans list. I want to get the lead in a show. I want to spend more time with my father. I want to get into the best physical condition I can be, moreso than I already am.
I’m happy. I accomplished my goal of last year. But now? I’m going to make others happy. I’m going to make myself the best me I can be, and I’m going to use what I gain to help others.
he’s back and ready for the next holiday
Loki’s always been one for mischief but you’re talking about something else entirely.
You could stay here, fill your life with work and food and sleep, or you could go… anywhere.